Pike Creek Anthology
by Dan Hunter
Summary: If you have ever read Spoon River Anthology then you will know what I am doing. Otherwise, this is a collection of semi-poetic epitahs that each character would give about him or herself after his or her death. R
1. 8-ball

All right, first off, let me just say that I, of course, own nothing related to GTA 3. Nope, not a thing. Wish I did though, however, that is another story. This work I am doing right now, is my version of Spoon River Anthology, which I also have nothing to do with, Grand Theft Auto style. It is actually a decent book.but again, not the point. Anyways, let us begin.  
  
Pike Creek Anthology  
  
  
  
Yo, dawg, here I lie.  
  
'Neath this cold ground  
  
what's left of my body is rotting.  
  
Wasn't always this way though.  
  
Used to run a bunch a explosive shops all 'round Liberty City.  
  
If ya had the money I could get ya whatever ya wanted.  
  
C4, dynamite, plastique, ya name it, dawg, ya got it.  
  
Heh, course that was till I started drinkin'.  
  
One day I kicked back a couple a 40's before I started  
  
Messing with some dynamite.  
  
Last thing I heard was a big "boom" and then it was all over.  
  
No more partying at Luigi's,  
  
No more selling,  
  
No more dealing,  
  
No more nothing,  
  
'cept pieces of me rainin' down on my shop floor. 


	2. Asuka

There were three things in this world I loved.  
  
My business.  
  
My brother.  
  
Maria.  
  
Oh sure, you could say my hired helper,  
  
I would have "loved him long time" or whatever some people said about me.  
  
But above all was my business.  
  
All I wanted was the Yakuza to rule Liberty.  
  
Nothing major, correct?  
  
However, the Cartel had to interfere with that.  
  
I waged war on them for some time.  
  
It only got worse after they killed my brother.  
  
I hunted them down,  
  
And used my helper to hurt them.  
  
It was starting to look like it would work out too, until that Columbian bitch came to the  
  
construction site.  
  
She took the last two things that I loved away from me.  
  
She stole my Maria,  
  
And then killed me.  
  
Causing my beloved Business to fall,  
  
Leaderless. 


	3. Donald Love

In my life I had everything,  
  
And came very close to owning it all.  
  
Love Media was a conglomerate that  
  
Dealt in everything from Health Care  
  
To TV and radio.  
  
And I was the head of it all.  
  
I was richer than you could have ever imagined.  
  
In fact, I owned more than a dozen third world countries.  
  
However, I was an upstanding citizen.  
  
I couldn't let my flawless reputation as benign world power become tarnished,  
  
So I hired a small time thug in Liberty City to do my dirty work.  
  
The fool would do anything I asked for the right amount of money.  
  
And the best part was that when it was all about to hit the fan,  
  
I disappeared and left the shmuck to take the fall in my place.  
  
It was perfect.  
  
I was untouchable.  
  
So of course you can understand my shock as my very expensive personal jet crashed.  
  
I was off in one of my countries and then,  
  
All of a sudden,  
  
I was dead.  
  
Where was my money then?  
  
Oh well,  
  
I am not bitter.  
  
At least I owned it all.  
  
I'm Donald Love and this is a Love Media Tombstone. 


	4. Kenji

I was very close to having the Yakuza own all of Liberty City.  
  
My precious sister and I were untouchable.  
  
Perhaps,  
  
In retrospect,  
  
That was my downfall.  
  
My arrogance and trust in my sister was too much for me.  
  
I even went as far as to employ her hired dog in my services.  
  
Sure,  
  
He was the best that money could buy,  
  
But there was no respect,  
  
No loyalty in his worthless existence.  
  
And I paid the ultimate price for my foolishness.  
  
Sure,  
  
My assassin drove a Columbian vehicle,  
  
But I was able to glimpse through the tinted windshield before the vehicle struck me,  
  
Claiming my life.  
  
And who was it behind the wheel,  
  
None other than that heathen ratdog.  
  
I can only hope my sister faired better than I,  
  
And that that traitorous pig got what was coming to him. 


	5. Unnamed

::There is something written on the headstone::  
  
"We were never really sure who this guy was.  
  
No record,  
  
No real identity,  
  
Some think that he was associated with a lot of illegal activities,  
  
But I find that hard to believe.  
  
Though, his record was very clean.  
  
He,  
  
Apparently,  
  
Died of natural causes in his old age.  
  
He was living in a low class part of Liberty City,  
  
But his apartment had lots of weapons and money,  
  
And his garage was filled to the brim with nice cars.  
  
Just who this guy was still remains a mystery,  
  
But one thing is for certain about him,  
  
He sure lived the American dream." 


	6. Lazlow

Hello Liberty City,  
  
This is Lazlow,  
  
And it seems you finally got me,  
  
You bitch of a city you.  
  
I slaved away in this hell hole for years,  
  
Working in a radio station with my own,  
  
Very popular radio show.  
  
All the nuts would call in ranting about this and that,  
  
And I was forced to politely call them all raving lunatics and keep on going.  
  
I had the worst guests in radio history,  
  
My salary was a joke,  
  
Everyone thought my name was fake,  
  
They thought I was gay,  
  
And I had to pretend to like that arrogant dick,  
  
Donald Love.  
  
Ah,  
  
My life was great.  
  
It's no wonder to anyone that it ended with a month-long alcohol and coke binge that  
  
concluded with me in a coma for a week and a half until I died.  
  
See what graduating from broadcasting school can get you? 


End file.
